Pacman Jones Rap

When the news broke that Pacman Jones had been signed to a one-year deal with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers of the CFL (since refuted), I got to thinking about the rap I made a year and a half ago about this crazy character. So I thought I'd post it. I actually composed a beat, but I have zero MC skillz, so any attempt at rapping would be embarrassing.

Note: This is satire, written in good fun. Obviously, neither I nor the writers of No "I" in Blog condone Pacman Jones's actions, nor do we wish to offend anyone.

Let me tell a little story 'bout my boy Pacman
You see him in the club, bag of bills in his hand
The NFL hates on him, they just don’t understand
That there ain’t no G any harder in the land

He grew up hard in the A-T-L hood
He drank a lot of milk 'cause it does a body good
His gramma took him in when his daddy died
He wore her face on his T when his dream arrived

Like anyone Pac likes to have a good time
He went out to the Minxx without crime on his mind
Just Pac and his crew, no intent to cause pain
Garbage bag full of money, Pac and Nelly made it rain

That’s when shit got f---ed up, hoes took shit that wasn’t theirs
Pacman regulated like the '85 Bears
He smacked that b---- down, threatened the ho
Then he grabbed all his muthaf---in' money from the floor

Now my boy ain’t no fool, he left the club, he’s got some class
He made his f---in' point and kept the haters off his ass
But some dumb muthaf---a who rolled with Pacman’s crew
Came back to the Minxx later and –RATATAT! – OOH!

Now they chargin’ Pacman with felony coercion
Pac’s out on bail, but man is he hurtin’
Cause the commish suspended him for the whole season
Scapegoatin' Pac? He’s a G is the reason.

So I invite you all to rally round this righteous cause
Wrong place, wrong time, he didn’t break no laws
They made him public enemy for what nobody saw
Now the time has come to rebel without a pause

Now here’s the next verse of my homie’s story
Pac’ll be back, don’t any of y’all worry
He’ll be coverin' receivers and sacking QBs
Making I-N-Ts and returnin' kicks for TDs

He’ll serve his time and come back on the field
Maybe get a new crew, one that keeps it real
Takin' blame for some thugs, now how would you feel?
Suspendin' Pacman like that and denyin' his appeal.