This Preview Is On Fire!

With NBA training camps in full swing and the season rapidly approaching, it's time for us to preview this season's teams. However, seeing as there is a plethora of such articles already floating out there on the internet, we've decided to take a more unique approach. As a child, one of the many seminal video games in my life was Midway's NBA Jam. Along with the original Madden and RBI Baseball, NBA Jam was one of the first sports games that not only parked me in front of the television for hours at a time, but helped introduce me to the superstar athletes of the early '90s.

So, in honor of this amazing game, I will be mixing my comments about the upcoming season with reflections on NBA Jam, as well as what duos would be in the game now if they were to remake it. Enjoy.

Note: I'll be going from the Sega Genesis version of the game, not the arcade or Sega CD versions.

Eastern Conference

1. Orlando Magic

NBA Jam '09 - Dwight Howard and Rashard Lewis: As much as I am concerned about Vince Carter ruining every team he's played on, there's no denying his scoring prowess. There's also no denying that this team will shoot threes, play championship caliber D, and has one of the top three big men in the league in Howard. Some questioned if the Carter deal emptied their bench too much, but late signings of Matt Barnes and Brandon Bass will help fill the void. Another Jameer Nelson injury could be a problem.

NBA Jam '93 - Nick Anderson and Scott Skiles: An '09 Jam version of the Magic would be much more formidable than the '93 version, as the franchise was just beginning to establish itself at that point and was still two years away from reaching its first finals behind Shaq and Penny (later versions of the game had Shaq on the team). That would be the same finals where Nick Anderson bricked four consecutive foul shots in Game 1 to put the Magic in an 0-1 hole, and a good decade before Skiles became the talented, yet abrasive coach of the Bucks.

Sidenote: Remember when Howard and his braces were drafted ahead of Emeka Okafor, and everybody thought it was a terrible choice? "Sometimes all the majority means is that all the fools are on the same side."

2. Boston Celtics

NBA Jam '09 - Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce: They might've had their name officially changed from the "Celtics" to the "aging Celtics" in the off-season if you've looked around at various media outlets. Yes, age is a concern, but talent is certainly not, and they still have one of the best young point guards in the league in Rajon Rondo (as long as he can get over his name being tossed around in bizarre trade rumors). The Celtics will go far as long as Garnett can stay relatively healthy, but despite adding "depth" in the form of Rasheed Wallace, Marquis Daniels, and Shelden Williams, they still lack the defensive wing-type player they had in James Posey two years ago.

NBA Jam '93 - Dee Brown and the corpse of Robert Parish: As beloved as former dunk champ Brown was in Boston, he was not that great of an all-around player, and at this point, Parish was the last remaining member of the big three and on the way out himself. Reggie Lewis (available in the arcade version) would've made a more formidable player had it not been for his untimely death. Brown and Parish were probably one of the worst pairs in the game, and unfortunately didn't have a high level of unintentional comedy to go with them.

Sidenote: I like Brian Scalabrine's versatility. He's the NBA's quintessential redhead AND an expert towel waiver.

3. Cleveland Cavaliers

NBA Jam '09 - LeBron James and the reason they're not favored to win the league: Sometimes, NBA Jam tells you everything you need to know about a team. The Cavs continue to try and find solutions to who LeBron's running mate should be, this year adding Shaq for basically nothing from the Suns. The problem is Shaq is maybe 60% of the player he was even a few years ago, although you wouldn't know it from following his twitter feed and off-season activities. Unfortunately, this will become more apparent during the upcoming winter, and unless Moe Williams can take the next step at point guard, LeBron could find himself upset and outgunned next spring.

NBA Jam '93 - Brad Daugherty and Mark Price: Man, could Mark Price hit the three-ball. The Cavs weren't a bad team, and were a favorite of players who just liked to shoot from outside all day with Price and hope Daugherty could scrape up some rebounds and second chance points. If you were playing Price and he caught on fire (by hitting three shots in a row), he could absolutely maddening, leading a 9-year-old Alex to accuse his opponent of "being cheap" for the next 30 minutes.

Sidenote: If you thought Cavs fans were disturbed seeing LeBron get dunked on by a college kid, think again: they've been watching Zydrunas Illgauskas get dunked on repeatedly for years now.

4. Atlanta Hawks

NBA Jam '09 - Joe Johnson and Josh Smith: It was only a short while ago that the Hawks were perennial punching bag and lottery fodder. Fast forward to this season, where a young and explosive team became even younger and more explosive, replacing Flip Murray and Speedy Claxton for Jamal Crawford and rookie Jeff Teague. The Hawks have a number of players who hurt you, including Johnson, Smith, Al Horford, and veteran point guard Mike Bibby, but lack a star on the same level of Dwight Howard or LeBron. It is that lack of a star that, barring injuries to the teams above, probably will keep the Hawks from breaking through to that top tier.

NBA Jam '93 - Dominique Wilkens and Stacey Augmon: 'Nique was probably on the backside of his career by the time Jam came out, but you couldn't tell by playing the game. Augmon was a competent if uninspiring wingman for Wilkens. Kinda like when the Wahlberg brothers go out to the club. I would say that playing as Johnson and Smith would be an immense amount of fun, and probably one instance where an '09 Jam team would be greater than the real team itself.

Sidenote: When Marvin Williams was drafted second overall ahead of Chris Paul, scouts kept talking about his upside and not the fact that he couldn't start for UNC. Now, they like to talk about all the things he does for Hawks off the bench without pointing out that a second overall pick...can't start for the Hawks.

5. Washington Wizards

NBA Jam '09 - Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler: The Wizards are a hard team to peg, but after the top four teams, the East looks to be wide open/a war of attrition, depending on how optimistic you are. The Wizards, however, still have three guys who can score in bunches with a healthy Arenas, Butler, and Antawn Jamison, and they've added more scoring with Mike Miller and Randy Foye after screwing the pooch in the lottery. Their other big move was to hire Flip Saunders as coach; he's a proven winner, or at least a winner enough to get his team a round or two into the playoffs. Some people may point to Arenas being a distraction, but what NBA team doesn't have at least one guy who likes to hear himself talk and make a scene in the media?

NBA Jam '93 - Tom Gugoliotta and Harvey Grant: Tom Gugoliotta and Harvey Grant...uh...um. Well, Gugs had a pretty long career...Okay, so from 1988 to 1996, number of Washington playoff appearances: zero. I wish I had more to say about this team, but who wanted to play as Gugoliotta and Grant? It'd be like forgoing Christian Bale's acting camp for Scott Baio's.

Sidenote: Sadly, the Wizards got rid of Oleksiy Pecherov this off-season, one of my top ten favorite Ukrainian basketball players of all time.

6. Toronto Raptors

NBA Jam '09 - Chris Bosh and Hedo Turkoglu: Toronto's campaign to try to keep Chris Bosh from trying free agency after this season rests in the aesthetically challenged hands of Hedo Turkoglu, fresh off his role as a key cog of the Magic's finals run. They also have a pair of nice international players in point guard Jose Calderon and quasi-center Andrea Bargnani. Rebounding could be an issue for this squad after losing Shawn Marion, but there's enough depth on the perimeter to lead to a winning record, which in the East, gets you the sixth seed. No reports yet on whether or not Bosh is excited to be carousing with groupies flanked by dudes named "Hedo" and "Andrea," but that'll be something to look for as the season gets going.

Sidenote: Top pick Demar DeRozan has suspect ball-handling and shooting abilities, but the Raptors love his "leaping ability." I guess my fantasy league is too old-fashioned to count "leaps" as a category.

NBA Jam '93 - None

7. Philadelphia 76ers

NBA Jam '09 - Andre Iguodala and Elton Brand: I'd like to note that Brand would only be included in the '09 version due to name recognition, and in reality, the second best player on the Sixers is young forward Thaddeus Young. In fact, it is that lack of faith that has me placing Philly lower in the East than others. Brand just seems like one of those talented, fragile big men that fails to put it all together much more often than not. An even bigger problem? They lost Andre Miller, and their current options at the point (Jrue Holiday and Louis Williams) are less than impressive. However, Iguodala, Young, and a small handful of other young players have enough talent and athleticism to still get them into the playoffs, however brief they may stay in.

NBA Jam '93 - Clarence Weatherspoon and Jeff Hornacek: Brand, however, could probably beat Weatherspoon and Hornacek by himself. On the plus side, Hornacek (who had a few good years), was the key return piece in the Charles Barkley deal that led to one of my favorite teams growing up, the '93 Suns. Weatherspoon, on the other hand, sounds more like a judge or a civil rights advocate than a doughy small forward for the Sixers in the early '90s.

Sidenote: The "76" in "76ers" comes from 1776, the year the Declaration was signed in Philadelphia. It made sense at the time, because the founders of our country also had an athletic front court, but lack of experience at the point...what? Moving on...

8. Chicago Bulls

NBA Jam '09 - Derrick Rose and John Salmons: The Bulls were playoff darlings last year for two weeks as D. Rose and company went toe-to-toe with the heavily favored Celtics before falling in the seventh game of what has been called "the best first round match in basketball history." No argument here, but since then, they haven't done anything to lead me to think they'll be upwardly mobile in the East this year. They lost top scorer and sixth man Ben Gordon to the Pistons and both first round picks, James Johnson and Taj Gibson, aren't ready to be big time contributors any time soon. However, Rose (one of the most exciting young players in the game), Salmons, and Luol Deng should be enough to get them back into the playoffs.

NBA Jam '93 - Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant: Perhaps one of the defining aspects of the console version of NBA Jam was the omission of Michael Jordan. Not that I could grasp this in 1993, but apparently the game's designers were unable to secure the rights to use Jordan's image in the game, and instead chose to boost Pippen's ratings in absentia. Jordan later, along with Gary Payton, did have Midway design a custom version of the game for himself with him in it.

Sidenote: Joakim Noah makes Hedo Turkoglu look like Brad Pitt.

9. Detroit Pistons

NBA Jam '09 - Richard Hamilton and Ben Gordon: Ben Gordon was made for NBA Jam. Unfortunately, that doesn't always translate to real life. Gordon, the Pistons' big off-season acquisition along with Charlie Villanueva, were attempts to make splashy additions by a Pistons team that has fallen in recent years from their perch atop the East. They'll miss Rasheed Wallace's intensity more than his ability, but they did little to fix the holes in their lineup, as Rodney Stuckey is still just moonlighting as an NBA point guard and 6'7" Jason Maxiell is in line to start at center. They'll get eaten up by anybody with a viable wingman.

NBA Jam '93 - Isaiah Thomas and Bill Laimbeer: Probably the easiest tandem to hate in the game, Thomas and Laimbeer were nonetheless a solid team for those who liked driving and feeding as opposed to dunks and threes. Basically, they are not only unlikeable but they're also boring. By the way, you probably could've made the comment back then that "Isaiah absolutely destroys the Knicks," but it wouldn't be nearly as salient a point as it is now.

Sidenote: Joe Dumars' "I Traded Away a Top Five Point Guard and All I Got Was This Lousy Ben Gordon" t-shirts now available at our gift store, $10 each, two for $15.

10. Miami Heat

NBA Jam '09 - Dwayne Wade and Jermaine O'Neal: Another team that probably would play better in Jam than in real life, the Heat, I will say, have a higher ceiling than most teams I haven't picked to make the playoffs, but D-Wade is going to need more help than an oft-injured O'Neal. They have some interesting young guys, Jamario Moon and Mario Chalmers, but nothing resembling a third scoring option. The "X Factor," as they say, is second-year man Michael Beasley, who had an up-and-down first season, followed by an off-season of troubling stories about being placed in a rehab facility. If Beasley comes back with his act together and his game improved, this is a team that could potentially rise as high as fifth or sixth. Even then, and even with Wade leading the way, they are scary thin down in South Beach.

NBA Jam '93 - Rony Seikaly and Harold Miner: Is there a more comical team than Seikaly and Miner? Seikaly looked more like a drug dealer's thug from a Miami Vice episode and led the league in eyebrow volume from 1990-'93. In addition to remaining an inspiration to Lebanese basketball players everywhere, he now runs a very successful real estate firm, and as an "avid music lover," has been seen DJing in some of the biggest clubs around the world. Where is his reality TV series? Miner, on the other hand, won the dunk contest, leading to his inclusion in the game, and was out of the league within two seasons because he couldn't do much else. I don't foresee a Harold Miner "bobblehead doll night" in the near future.

Sidenote: "Rony Seikaly: Raising Eyebrows, all new episodes following Rock of Love 5 and I Love the '00s, on Vh1!"

11. Charlotte Bobcats

NBA Jam '09 - Gerald Wallace and DJ Augustin: Who's going to score? Wallace is the only starter that can be thought of as having any kind of impactful scoring ability, and despite being on his way to becoming a decent point guard, Augustin is more of an undersized distributor. The trade of Okafor for Chandler may help scoring efficiency, but it still won't put extra points on the board. They signed Flip Murray and drafted Gerald Henderson, which will help, but is a long way from being a major improvement. Someone is going to have to emerge for the Cats to take the next step.

Sidenote: It's not a mystery why the Bobcats are near the cellar in attendance every year. Has any franchise ever gotten off to a less exciting start and had a bleaker foreseeable future?

NBA Jam '93 - None

12. Indiana Pacers

NBA Jam '09 - Danny Granger and Mike Dunleavy: Pacers' off-season plan: Let go of role players that almost helped us reach the playoffs and replace them with overpriced stiffs, affable white guys, and a lot of prayers. Great. Granger, Dunleavy, and Troy Murphy had unreal seasons shooting the ball last year, but that's the problem -- it's unreal to expect them to reach that level again. Granger is a bonafide star, but will find himself blanketed by opposing defenses this year as Jarret Jack has been replaced by the sub-par Earl Watson and backup guard Marquis Daniels has been replaced by Dahntay Jones, who received probably the most indefensible contract of the off-season at four years and $11 million. This is going to end badly.

NBA Jam '93 - Reggie Miller and Derrick McKey: Miller could bang threes and Derrick McKey was a poor man's Stacey Augmon. Whatever. A tandem of Granger and Dunleavy would be fun because all they would do is shoot threes. You could beat them by 40, or they could take turns catching fire and drive you completely insane. There should've been a team like that in the old game, a team that made your opponent question if you had used a shooting cheat code because of how many near half-court shots your team was making.

Sidenote: Shouldn't the Pacers do a promotion called "Hoosiers Night" where they put Dunleavy, Murphy, Tyler Hansborough, Josh McRoberts, and Jeff Foster on the floor coached by the real Gene Hackman and a drunk Dennis Hopper? Wouldn't it be fun to see fans question whether they were filming a remake of the movie or watching a real NBA game? Would they know the difference?

13. New York Knicks

NBA Jam '09 - David Lee and Wilson Chandler: The Knicks' financial bugaboos from the Isaiah Thomas erro...era seem to be clearing up under Donnie Walsh, but that won't help the Knicks for this season. Lee and Chandler are nice young players, and Nate Robinson can score in bunches, but beyond that there isn't much to be happy about. The Knicks will spend this season trying to figure out what they have in rookie Jordan Hill and second-year man Danilo Gallinari to prepare themselves for a hopeful free agent splash next season.

NBA Jam '93 - Patrick Ewing and John Starks: Ewing and Starks were a solid team in Jam, the perfect combo for inside-outside play. Of course, at that point we still thought this would be a duo that would bring a title to the Knicks, which never happened, but at least they have this as a legacy, right? I would've liked to have seen Charles Oakley in the game, but that's just because Charles Oakley was the man.

Sidenote: Snickers' "Get Dunked on by Patrick Chewing" ad campaign just narrowly edged out "Blow a Playoff Series with John Starch."

14. Milwaukee Bucks

NBA Jam '09 - Michael Redd and Andrew Bogut: Woe is the Bucks. Their two best players (Redd and Bogut) have long and distinguished injury histories, they traded away third scoring option Richard Jefferson to the Spurs in a salary dump, and they inexplicably let their best young player, Ramon Sesssions, walk over a few million dollars. They drafted a point guard to replace him in Brandon Jennings, but Jennings won't be ready to start for at least two years. That doesn't matter to the Bucks, who look ready to hand him the keys to the car right now. They signed intriguing offensive wing Hakim Warrick, but his lack of defensive abilities flies in the face of why they brought Coach Scott Skiles in last season -- to improve a defense ranked 28th.

NBA Jam '93 - Blue Edwards and Brad Lohaus: Somehow, I would still much rather play Jam as Redd and Bogut than as Edwards and Lohaus. Who? Exactly. The Bucks might've been the worst team in the game. A little research revealed that Edwards tied for the team lead in scoring (16.9 ppg) the previous season with the immortal Frank Brickowski, so I guess he kind of had to be included. But Lohaus? He played for a respectable 11 seasons, but with eight different teams after being a late second round pick by the Celtics. His first season on the Bucks, as a perimeter center, he hit 5 of 40 shots from three-point land. Ugh.

Sidenote: Quick, can you name Charlie Villanueva's replacement at power forward? For those of you who said Ersan Ilyasova, you got it right and have too much time on your hands.

15. New Jersey Nets

NBA Jam '09 - Devin Harris and Brook Lopez: The Nets, recently purchased by the richest man in Russia and prepping for a move to Brooklyn, are in disarray. Harris is one of few bright spots after developing into an all-star caliber scoring point guard last year and justifying the trading of Jason Kidd two years ago. Lopez also looks to be a keeper after finishing third in the rookie-of-the-year balloting last season. Unfortunately, the rest of the roster looks like a collection of cast-offs and role players. Yi Jianlian, the key piece in trading away Richard Jefferson during the last off-season, appears to be a bust, surprising few after his draft workout videos showed him posting up an inanimate chair. They can start praying for ping pong balls.

NBA Jam '93 - Derrick Coleman and Kenny Anderson: Coleman and Anderson were probably better Jam players than they were in real life, and both were associated with failing to live up to significant amounts of hype, but both also had long, productive NBA careers. Harris and Lopez would be an interesting tandem, but probably not the most competitive one, and the options beyond them are just depressing.

That does it for the Eastern Conference. Check back this week for the Western Conference preview.